Making Big Decisions By the Book

As we think of making big decisions "by the book" - keep in mind two types of big decisions:

1 - Moral - where there is a direct application of God's Word. Do I rob a bank? Do I commit adultery?

2 - Strategic - these are the much harder "big decisions," where we may be forced to choose between two seemingly good options - neither of which is a contradiction of godly values - such as - "Do I take that new job that pays better but means that we have to move?"

This message focuses on this second type - the strategic big decision. Biblical passages and principles to keep in mind:


PROVERBS 14:15-16. Only simpletons believe everything they're told! The prudent carefully consider their steps. The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.

This passage is an example of what we might call the "YELLOW LIGHT PRINCIPLE." Hasty decisions are often unwise ones. Take appropriate time to consider the wise choice and wait on God's guidance.


PROVERBS 15:22. Without counsel, plans go wrong, but with many advisers they succeed.

This passage is an example of the "GOOD ADVICE PRINCIPLE." When facing a big decision, use the advice of godly friends, family and colleagues. Make sure the advice is wise and sound - the world is also full of bad advice - people who will lead you down a dangerous path.


PROVERBS 16:3. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

PROVERBS 16:9. The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps.

These verses show us the powerful "PLANNING + PRAYER PRINCIPLE." We cannot just check out, and fail to use the minds God gave us. But neither can we assume entire control - using human methods of analysis and planning - and end up leaving God out of the picture.

A passage from James 4 reminds us that it is arrogant to announce our intentions and plans as if we are in control. We should always temper our planning with the acknowledgement that God is truly in control.


Garry Friesen writes an interesting article - "God's Will: Is There One Correct Choice."


We frequently think of seeking God's help through prayer as we face big decisions. We are not so apt to think of fasting. Read this article on prayer and fasting.

Forgiving By the Book

Instruction on forgiveness is found throughout the Bible. We usually think of forgiveness this way:

+ What would it take for us to forgive someone?
+ What do they have to offer us – how honest of an apology or what?

The Bible speaks in entirely different terms.

PSALM 130:3-4. Lord, if you kept a record of sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? But you offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you.

PSALM 103:10. He does not deal with us according to our sins.

One of the greatest examples of forgiveness is found in the story of Joseph, the way he offered forgiveness to his brothers after they had left him for dead. He has an opportunity to take revenge, but he instead chooses the way of forgiveness. You can refresh your memory on the story of Joseph by reading chapters 37-50 of Genesis.

We find Joseph’s words to his brothers here:

GENESIS 50:19-20. Am I God, to judge and punish you? As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for harm.

Here you begin to see the big difference in the way forgiveness is looked at in the Bible – we think of our decision whether or not to forgive – as based on whether someone else has earned the right for us to forgive them – so we can decide whether to make things right. Joseph saw the opportunity to forgive his brothers strictly in terms of his relationship with God.

Forgiveness is tied so strongly to the opportunity to take revenge. Because Joseph let God take control of revenge – he was set free to forgive.

Jesus spoke very pointedly about forgiveness...and the teaching becomes even more challenging!

In Matthew 6 we find Jesus giving what we today call the Lord’s Prayer:

MATTHEW 6:12. Forgive us our sins, just as we also forgive those who sin against us.

Every time we pray that prayer – whether we use the word "sins," "debts," or "trespasses" - we need to think carefully about why we pray it that way:

MATTHEW 6:14-15. If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Jesus touches on the same theme here:

MARK 11:25. When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.

To understand this teaching of Jesus, remember that he is speaking not of punishment, but a principle. It is not so much that God withholds forgiveness from us to "teach us a lesson." Rather, he reveals this principle to us to help us understand how a lack of forgiveness in our hearts closes the door to our ability to receive forgiveness!

The disciples must have really wrestled with what Jesus said:

MATTHEW 18:21-22. Peter came up and said to Jesus, “Lord how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”


Jesus then told the story that exemplified the foolishness of being forgiven much by God but then refusing to forgive others - read the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35.

Note the huge difference between "10,000 talents" (the amount forgiven) and "100 denarii" (the amount he refused to forgive another). According to the New Interpreter's Bible, 10,000 talents represented an incalculable amount, larger than the entire annual tax proceeds for Syria, Phoenicia, Judea and Samaria combined!

Meanwhile 100 denarii was not a trifling amount, but in comparison it was quite small - approximately 100 days' wages for an ordinary laborer.


Our world was stunned by the forgiveness offered by the Amish in the recent tragedy in Pennsylvania. Read these profound words by our own Bishop Janice Riggle Huie, on the theme of forgiveness, in light of the incident in Pennsylvania.


Some other Scriptures on the theme of forgiveness:


EPHESIANS 4:31-32. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.


COLOSSIANS 3:13. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.


Read what St. Augustine (354-430) had to say long ago about forgiveness:

"It is certainly a bargain to be reckoned with when we say, 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.' We can be sure that we have violated that rule if we do not forgive those who ask our pardon, since we too want to be forgiven by your most generous Father with respect to those who seek pardon from us...It must be said that we should forgive all sins committed against us if we want the Father to forgive what we have committed...In this pronouncement he wished us to be merciful because that is the only prescribed means of avoiding miseries. Indeed, in no other petition do we pray in such a manner as to make a kind of covenant with the Lord, for we say, 'Forgive us as we also forgive.' If we default in this covenant, the whole petition is fruitless."


Read also this anonymous writing, from an early Christian letter called the Epistle to Lucian:

"If an injury is done to you, look to Jesus Christ. Even as you desire that he may forgive your sins, just so you must also forgive them theirs. By this you will circumvent ill-will, and bruise the head of that ancient serpent (see Genesis 3:15, Romans 16:20), who is ever on the watch with all subtlety to undo your good works and fruitful aims. Let no day pass by without reading some portion of the sacred Scriptures, whenever you have time, and giving some space to meditation. Never cast off the habit of reading the holy Scriptures. Nothing feeds the soul and enriches the mind so much as those sacred studies."


Read "Forgiveness: It Just Ain't Fair," by noted Christian writer Philip Yancey.


Read "How Do I Deal With an Unforgiving Spirit?" by Dr. Charles Stanley.


Here is a lengthy piece that goes into much more detail on the story of Joseph, and what the Bible has to say about forgiveness - "The Fundamentals of Forgiveness," by Bob Deffinbaugh.

Grieving By the Book

There is a wealth of information these days that is helpful when we are going through the grief process - but today's message has a very specific focus on looking at the biblical perspective on grief - some of the important passages in Scripture that help us approach grief from the point of view of faith. Some of the passages have perspectives that may seem to almost contradict each other - but they help us see the whole picture.


PROVERBS 17:22 (nlt). A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.


There is great power in a cheerful heart - but beware a phony, shallow cheeriness that is no help to anyone:


PROVERBS 25:20 (nlt). Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.


Dr. Kenneth Haugk has devoted his life to Christian caring ministries, but went through his own time of need during his wife's struggle with cancer. Out of his experience, he wrote a book - whose title is based on this proverb - "Don't Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart: How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering."

At this website you can find some excerpts from Dr. Haugk's book, as well as find information about ordering a copy.

Proverbs 25:20 also reminds us that we must beware of platitudes when caring for someone who is grieving. Most "platitudes" contain an element of truth, but because they are shallow, they wind up being of very little help. Here are some examples of these platitudes that may feel like vinegar in a wound:

• I know just how you feel.
• God plucked this rosebud for his heavenly bouquet.
• God only takes the best.
• God doesn't give us more pain than we can bear.
• Every cloud has a silver lining.
• Only the good die young.
• It must be God's will.
• We shouldn't question God.
• You're young...you can have more children.

The Bible also offers surprising insight into the positive power of sorrow and sadness:


ECCLESIASTES 7:3 (nlt). Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.


ECCLESIASTES 7:4 (nlt). A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time.


Jesus' own example is also helpful to us:


JOHN 11:35 (kjv). Jesus wept.


This "shortest verse in the Bible" is actually quite profound. Before raising Lazarus from the dead, Jesus shared with Mary and Martha in grieving their loss. Notice he did not say "cheer up." Jesus simply wept. He shared their grief. This is actually a fulfillment of prophecy:


ISAIAH 53:3-4 (kjv). He is…a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows.


One of the most important Bible passages on grief comes from Paul's writing to the Thessalonians:


1 THESSALONIANS 4:13 (nrsv). We do not want you to be uninformed…about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.


There are two important messages. First, our belief in eternal life should never be ignored. Second, it is clear that Christian believers are not being told to avoid grief. Instead, they are being told that they should not grieve in a hopeless way. Our hope of eternal life helps us avoid empty, purposeless grief.

J. Hampton Keathley, III offers these words that are helpful in understanding this passage:

Paul's first objective "was to remove their ignorance through giving biblical insight." This would accomplish the second objective, the giving of hope, a hope based on the resurrection of Christ. The third objective is that this hope would then give comfort. The Apostle does not deny that we may grieve over the loss of loved ones, but that is not the point here. We do not sorrow for our loved ones in Christ who die as those who venture into an unknown world. Such sorrow is precluded entirely. We miss them and we may sorrow over our loss, but never over their loss. Rather, we rejoice for them because they are with the Lord.

The Bible also gives us guidance on helping others who are grieving:


2 CORINTHIANS 1:3-4 (The Message). He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.


In other words - what God does for us - we can also do for others!

Here are some specific pointers on how to do that:

• Just be present, and be accepting.
• When someone is in shock, don't challenge statements of denial - denial is a normal thing in the early stages of grief.
• Focus on listening.
• It is acceptable to express your own grief (remember "Jesus wept").
• Help folks to make appropriate decisions (don't do everything for them) but help them avoid rash decisions that they might regret.
• Be available over the long haul.
• Be sensitive during special dates like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, holidays, anniversaries of a loss.
• Provide a safe space in which to express emotions.
• Offer resources from our faith.

ISAIAH 61:1 (kjv). The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me…he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.


Jesus' work as the Suffering Servant was the fulfillment of this prophecy. Since we are the Body of Christ, we also have the privilege of helping fulfill this prophecy - the Spirit of God working through us to help us to bind up the brokenhearted!


See also this resource - "Deeper Still: Hope For Those Who Grieve."